Here is my second installment of ponderings. They’re just as random as the last batch.
- Ms Ryder, Winona, if you really were called an oven-dodger, you should be outraged. No one deserves that level of disrespect. Regardless, I still don’t like you.
- I hate to break it to the Robert Pattinson adoration society, but technically, his vampire from Twilight is a pedophile. Think about it. He met her when she was 17 and he was 109; he is over six times her age. That’s just creepy.
- Speaking of, it seems only in religion can abstinence be preached and pedophilia practiced at the same time, and get away with it.
- The person who decided to train cashiers to sandwich the receipt between the currency and coin, needs to be bludgeoned with a pillowcase full of register tape rolls.
- Just because I don’t have time to talk about gay marriage, animal rights, etc., doesn’t mean I am against it. I just don’t care to show my support while standing outside in inclement weather and talking to a complete stranger, all while missing my train. Nothing incites that level of devotion in me.
- Why do people on television or the movies make out after drinking coffee? A garlic and shit sandwich is the only thing that might result in worse breath.
- I think we should all practice reverse psychology on ourselves and make New Year’s Irresolutions instead, and list all the things we want to do as things we don’t want to do. What’s the worst that could happen?
- What is reality tv like in Bizarro World?
- Why is it good to be the salt of the earth, but bad to salt the earth?
- While I don’t subscribe to the concept of heaven and hell, I think proof of the latter may be in the growing popularity of skinny jeans.
- How can celebrities be so image-conscious, yet go out of their way to arouse suspicion that they might be insane?
- So what you are saying is that your soul—Thetan is it?—was dropped in a Californian ocean . . . from Venus? Really?
- In any other occupation, Tom Cruise would be institutionalized.
- I think L. Ron Hubbard was looking to recruit all people named Diane into his cult. He failed with me. Neener neener booyah!
- Who is the arbiter of which religion is the right one? I haven’t met that entity yet.
- Why is it that people who believe in angels are considered normal, but those who do of fairies are touched in the head? They’re both chicks with wings, just like Victoria’s Secret models.
- Now . . . why do we need pennies?
- Am I the only one who gets freaked out by the tests of the Emergency Broadcast System?
- When will the general public realize that Taylor Swift is not talented?
- I’m just going to say it. If Justin Bieber removed his helmet of hair, he’d look like the poster child for St. Jude’s Hospital.
- What does it take to get Gary Oldman an Oscar nomination? The British actor played an American who was a psychotic, perverted, paraplegic, self-mutilating, homosexual pedophile who FED HIS FACE TO DOGS! For cripe’s sake, a role doesn’t get much more challenging than that.
- News flash! It isn’t special anymore to own a mobile phone. There is no important person’s club, and even if there was, you couldn’t be a member. So zip it!
- If someone farted during a moment of silence, I suspect that person would use the remaining time to pray no one heard it.
- I wonder if Alfred Fielding popped a pimple in the mirror and said, “Eureka!” Then, he invented bubblewrap.
- The person who could create a laxative for writer’s block would become a bazillionaire, then collapse into bankruptcy and ruin once it is discovered it causes colon cancer. Figures.
- If a married human had sex with a humanoid, is it cheating? I hope not; it would seriously corrupt my Jude Law AI fantasy.
And again, where do I end this mess? There was an overwhelming religious and deviant sex theme with this group. Hmm.